Lashes & Locks

Sir Francis Bacon once said: "There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion." Out in actress/model territory, this should be posted on all bathroom mirrors.

In the past 2 weeks, I've found myself more forgiving of "those Hollywood girls" that the industry tends to laugh at and label as anorexic swans with low self-esteem. Always a "character actress" at heart, it's not like the swirls of Hollywood beauty have ever been something I've had to contend with (I mean, my largest job so far has been all about uglifying me for God's sake!!).

But when you combine 2 months of singledom with unibrowed promos, judgmental fan blogs and personal publicity shots for men's magazines, you tend to be concentrating a lot on one thing- YOUR LOOK!!

I did the "thing" and digested 2 lettuce leaves on the day of my most recent photo shoot. Here were my discoveries apres posing:

1) THE CAMERA DOES ADD POUNDS!! I used to think this was a bit of an old wives tale. Plus, most of the time I was shot from the waist up- the skinniest part of my body. My lower half- a WHOLE DIFFERENT STORY. Now I know what Jesse Metcalfe meant when he said I "danced like a black girl."

2) HAIR MAKES A DIFFERENCE!! Extensions turn any chick from "cute" to "sexy" in an instant. Men love hair. I read later that 80-90% of cheating husbands have affairs with women with longer hair than their wives. Ladies, keep your hair on your head!

3) NOSES LOOK (A LOT) BIGGER: Which would explain the high amount of nose surgeries amongst actresses (no, Thesy, no...embrace your German heritage, jawol!)

4) EVERYONE HAS THEIR ANGLE: Greta Garbo was famous for ordering the cameraman to position himself exactly to her liking. Obviously, at my stage, beggars can't be choosers but batting your eyelids and smiling sweetly does help.

As for the "my heritage" thing- Angelina Jolie 96%?????? Have they seeeen how thin my lips are?

I promise never to write on such superficial issues again. Tear the Cosmo away from me nowwwwww.......